Learn How to Work the Room

When I was single, one of my favorite ways to meet men was at singles events. There are numerous organizations that hold such functions including singles groups, speed dating companies, arts societies, sea and ski clubs, and other outdoor activity associations. It’s also possible to meet single men and women at business networking events, church functions, senior outings, alumni mixers, industry meetings – at virtually any event where groups of people come together.

To make the most of these opportunities, it’s really important that you feel comfortable working the room. Don’t worry if you don’t right now. This is an easily acquired skill, once you know the basics. Here are a few techniques, many of which come from Susan RoAne’s original book, How to Work a Room, which I read years ago. I still use these methods all the time.

• Before you go, have some light topics ready for conversation. For instance, when I was dating, many men were reading The Da Vinci Code. You can read the newspaper or check online news sites. Ladies, be familiar with how the local sports teams are performing. You could talk about shows or celebrities that are performing in town or the latest movie you saw.
• Think about an amusing incident that happened recently. Perhaps you saw a funny commercial or advertisement. It does not have to be hysterical, but do be sure it’s in good taste.
• Avoid negative stories or depressing observations. You want to draw people to you, so be positive and upbeat.
• Go to the event alone or break apart from whoever you came with. Individuals are much easier to approach and you’ll find it easier to break into a group by yourself.
• Look for someone who is alone and approach that person. Think warm, complimentary thoughts as you approach. A smile and simple, “Hi, my name is…” will get you started. Paying a sincere compliment often works well.
• Be interested in that person. Do not look around for someone else to talk with next or for who just arrived.
• If your goal is to meet many people, limit your time with any one person. Be sensitive of the other person’s desire to move on, too. To break away from a conversation, at a pause simply smile and say, “Excuse me” and walk away. You can add that you’d like to mingle, since the event is a mixer, if that would make you more comfortable.
• To approach a group, stand nearby and attempt to make eye contact with someone in the group. Be careful approaching a couple, as they may be having a private conversation. You do not want to appear to be eavesdropping and you don’t want to embarrass yourself or them.
• Throughout the event focus on what there is to like about the people there. Remind yourself that you are worth talking to, as well. This will build your confidence and make others more comfortable around you.

Most importantly, get out there. The only way to get better at anything is to do it.

Getting Started at a Singles Event

Singles events, such as mixers, movie screenings, hikes, lunches, and parties, are a great, low risk way to meet other singles interested in dating. There are lots of people of around, most people don’t know each other, and you can always use the excuse that you want to mingle to break away from someone you’ve spent enough time with.

When you’re just getting started, you may want to go to singles events with a friend or two. This usually works out fine, as long as you remember that you’re going there to meet new people, not to hang around with the person you came with. If you go with other people, make an arrangement to separate. Sit at different tables or mingle individually as you work the room. (Susan RoAne’s How to Work a Room, Revised Edition: Your Essential Guide to Savvy Socializing is a great tool for gaining the skills to comfortably mingle in groups where you don’t know anyone.)

Once you have been to a few events, you’ll find that going alone can be quite fun. Being by yourself forces you to interact with others, and it invites others to approach you. It also enables you to stay as long as you’d like or to go elsewhere (not to his or her home!) with someone you’ve met when the event ends. My husband, Roger and I met at a singles dance which tended to end early. Because we’d each come to the dance alone, it was easy for us afterward to go to a country bar where we danced and talked for another couple of hours.

At a singles event, avoid sitting at a large table with five or more people, particularly at a dance. No one wants to be turned down in front of a crowd of people, so make it easy for people to approach you. It’s often successful to begin by seeking one or two people of the same gender to stand or sit with. Rather than getting involved in a deep conversation, keep it to small talk – and be positive. No one will be drawn to a negative conversation. Sit or stand so you can observe the room and others can see you. Be interested in your surroundings, and make it possible for people to come up to you and break into your conversation. If you someone alone who looks approachable (or needs someone to talk to), this is your opportunity to approach him or her.

Finally, a great ice-breaker I’ve found for conversation is the event itself and the sponsoring organization. Asking the other person if he’s attended other events the group has put on and what they were like can lead to information on how long he’s been dating, how much dating he does, and so forth. People love to be asked for their opinion, so this is usually a comfortable way to get the conversation started.