If you’ve ever followed Today’s Dating Model, you probably noticed that something doesn’t feel quite right. You may recall that with Today’s Dating Model people move from attraction to physical intimacy very quickly, without having experienced emotional intimacy. The discomfort that results is from being out of alignment.
We are not just physical or sexual beings. We are also spiritual beings, and we’re complex. Body, mind, and spirit are all interwoven. For instance, we can physically feel our emotions, with a knot in the stomach or tightness in the shoulders. When presented with the chance to do something we find enjoyable, our energy level lifts immediately. We just can’t compartmentalize our bodies from our thoughts or feelings. So when we engage in sex before becoming emotionally intimate with someone, the various types of intimacy are out of alignment. Like the sensation we have when our car is out of alignment, it doesn’t feel comfortable.
With the Sane Sex Model, physical intimacy is postponed until emotional intimacy is created. As we get to know the other person and disclose more of ourselves to create greater emotional intimacy, it’s natural to get physically closer, as well. Keep in mind that there is an array of ways to gradually express greater physical closeness. Just as we wouldn’t divulge our deepest secrets to someone we barely know, it doesn’t make sense to have sex with that person either.
The Sane Sex Model honors your heart and your body. It keeps everything in alignment, making it much more likely to have a fulfilling experience emotionally and physically.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
What Are Your Blind Spots?
Are you aware of your blind spots? Not sure what I mean by that? A blind spot is an area where we’re not seeing clearly. Because it’s blind to us, we’re unaware of it, at least initially. After we get burned a few times, however, we can start to recognize a pattern and begin to see what we’ve been overlooking.
When I was dating, I noticed I had a blind spot for religious or spiritual men. I was so taken by their spirituality that I failed to see them as men, too, who like the rest of us have their shortcomings. When we have a blind spot toward someone, we tend to give them too much credit; may trust them too soon, before they’ve really earned our trust; and simply will not see them in totality. Common things that may blind us include wealth, job title, education and other credentials, memberships, accomplishments and awards, and relationships – who they know. For instance, we might be blinded by his advanced degree, her knowing a celebrity, or his expensive car. Someone’s ability to do something we find difficult can certainly create a blind spot for us. Keep in mind that blind spots can go the other way, too. We may allow someone’s poor dress, rundown home, or low level job blind us to their wonderful character or loving attitude.
So if we’re blind to them, how do go about recognizing blind spots? One of the best ways I know is to take regular time, daily if you can, to be still and reflect. I enjoy sitting in my backyard early in the morning listening to my fountain and watching the hummingbirds. All kinds of insights come to me during these times. Spend time thinking about the people who surprised you, who turned out to be different than you expected. Journaling about these experiences and reviewing your entries over time will help you catch patterns. The idea here is not to be critical with yourself, but rather to observe your tendencies, assumptions, and thoughts. Over time if you’re honest with yourself and observant, any blind spots you have should become apparent. Congratulate yourself when recognize one because that’s the most important step to overcoming it!
When I was dating, I noticed I had a blind spot for religious or spiritual men. I was so taken by their spirituality that I failed to see them as men, too, who like the rest of us have their shortcomings. When we have a blind spot toward someone, we tend to give them too much credit; may trust them too soon, before they’ve really earned our trust; and simply will not see them in totality. Common things that may blind us include wealth, job title, education and other credentials, memberships, accomplishments and awards, and relationships – who they know. For instance, we might be blinded by his advanced degree, her knowing a celebrity, or his expensive car. Someone’s ability to do something we find difficult can certainly create a blind spot for us. Keep in mind that blind spots can go the other way, too. We may allow someone’s poor dress, rundown home, or low level job blind us to their wonderful character or loving attitude.
So if we’re blind to them, how do go about recognizing blind spots? One of the best ways I know is to take regular time, daily if you can, to be still and reflect. I enjoy sitting in my backyard early in the morning listening to my fountain and watching the hummingbirds. All kinds of insights come to me during these times. Spend time thinking about the people who surprised you, who turned out to be different than you expected. Journaling about these experiences and reviewing your entries over time will help you catch patterns. The idea here is not to be critical with yourself, but rather to observe your tendencies, assumptions, and thoughts. Over time if you’re honest with yourself and observant, any blind spots you have should become apparent. Congratulate yourself when recognize one because that’s the most important step to overcoming it!
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