Affirming Your Truth

The use of affirmations, positive statements or declarations of the truth, has been touted for over a hundred years.  I first learned about them from Dr. John Pelizza in the early 1980s.  (Yes, I was very young then!)  He explained that there is a section of the brain that does not know truth from fiction; it will accept whatever thought is repeatedly offered.  When we repeat positive statements over a period of time, eventually we start to accept them as true.

I used affirmations frequently when I was single and looking to meet the love of my life.  Because I was so successful in meeting Roger, I recently pulled out the journal I kept during that period to remind myself what I had done.  Below are some of the statements I used to write or say aloud over and over.  Modify them to fit you.  Make sure that the statements you say or write make you feel good.  If you feel any constriction anywhere, reword the affirmation until it feels good to use it.

·       I value and appreciate myself.

·       I respect my beliefs and opinions.

·       I acknowledge how beautiful I am.

·       I am compassionate toward myself and others.

·       My core relationships are based on trust and intimacy.

·       I am desirable and worthy of love.

·       The man I seek is seeking me.

·       And my favorite one that I often repeated in the car at red lights: I am already connected deeply to the love of my life, and I know my beloved is coming to me right now.

Getting Ready and Calling Him In - Part 2

Consistent with the feng shui changes I described last week, I received other advice that helped me call my special someone in. People suggested that I make it clear to the universe that I wanted and needed a partner, because a man would want to feel needed and that he had a role to fill. This idea translated into several actions.

First, as a single parent, I still had to do the things my ex would have, but I stopped referring to myself as the “man” of the house. I also realized that many of the women’s novels I was reading made men out to the bad guys. I knew that negative energy would not be helpful to my meeting someone wonderful, so I turned to reading nonfiction or the classics instead. If you’ve read my book, you’ll recall that early in my dating experience I met many men who were needy and insecure. I found myself becoming quite discouraged and dwelling on these negative encounters. To overcome this and remind myself that were many terrific men on the planet, I made a list of the great men I knew personally. They didn’t have to be single to make my list, just someone who could be a great partner. I wrote all their names on an index card and carried it everywhere with me for months.

As I took these steps and kept affirming that he existed, even though I didn’t know him yet, I gradually started meeting men who were more suitable as potential partners. Dating became more enjoyable and soon I met Roger.

Getting Ready and Calling Him In - Part 1

So you’re ready to meet someone special. You’re getting out there and giving the events you attend a fair shot. Terrific! Now let’s be sure that your thoughts, words, and actions apart from these conscious efforts are aligned with your intentions.

Early in my journey to meet Roger, I consulted with Feng Shui expert, Sandy Sue Rector, to help me align my physical environment with my intention to meet the love of my life. Sandy gave me the following advice:

- Park on one side of the garage to leave room for his car on the other side.
- Move my bed away from the wall so it could be accessed from both sides.
- Remove my parents’ photos from my bedroom (as he wouldn’t want Mom and Dad watching him).
- Put pairs of things in my bedroom (which was the love and romance area of my house) and use red, pink and white accents.

- Make room for him by clearing out space for his things in my drawers and closet.
- Get clothes for him and hang them in his side of the closet. (When I asked Sandy Sue what size I should get, she asked me what size I wanted him to be!)

Although it felt strange at first, I followed every suggestion she made. It paid off. As Roger and I dated and we used the hot tub, he enjoyed the robe and sandals I had bought for him. When we got married, there was already room for him in my home. Why take a look at your surroundings and habits and see what adjustments you can make?

Give it Your Best Shot

Last week I encouraged those who are looking to meet someone to try something new. Now here’s the rest of the story: you need to really give it your best shot. Too often I see singles missing opportunities because of their approach. Here are some ideas for making the most of your efforts:

• Take an active part in a spiritual community. You don’t have to be an official member to attend regularly and stay afterward to meet people. Join a committee or volunteer, especially for activities that involve lots of people including those outside the organization.

• Give a group you tried six months ago another try. New members join all the time and leadership changes, making it possible that your experience now could be quite different than the last time.

• Be interested in other people. Rather than worry about the impression you’re making, focus on getting to know them. People respond to sincere attention, so don’t overlook this simple practice.

• Learn how to work the room. Susan RoAne’s How to Work the Room is a great resource. Sitting with a crowd of people or standing to the side behind a pillar will not encourage others to approach you.

• Be sure to give each group or event a fair chance. Don’t leave after 30 minutes because you didn’t spot the love of your life when you walked in. Someone special may walk in the moment after you leave.

Perhaps the most important action to take is choosing the right attitude. Decide that you’ll have a good time. Tell yourself that there will be interesting people there who will want to get to know you. Make up your mind to have fun, and you almost always will!