The Wrong Reason to Have Sex

As you can imagine, people I knew were quite interested in my book as I was writing it. A former human resources director writing a book about dating and sex?! I remember a friend telling me that she wished my book was already available, because a friend of hers was making poor decisions. This friend had agreed to sleep with a man she’d just met because he’d helped her do something around her house. It wasn’t a major project, like retile her bathroom (not that that would warrant having sex with someone), but something minor like move a heavy object. I’m all for gratitude and expressing appreciation, but can you see that sharing yourself in the most physically intimate way possible as a way to say “thank you” is just too much?

So why do you have sex? Women tend to strive for connections with other people, so some may unwisely use sex as a means of getting closer to someone. Certainly the sense of intimacy is enhanced with a positive sexual experience, but if a certain level of closeness isn’t already there, we can end up feeling more isolated and disconnected than we did when we started. This is especially true if our partner’s primary goal was a pleasurable physical experience rather than emotional intimacy. With sane sex, we allow emotional intimacy to develop first. When emotional intimacy is combined with physical attraction, sex is a natural result that nurtures both parties. Whatever your reasons, think them through and be sure you’re really clear on why you’re having sense and what you want from the experience.