As of 2008, only 56% of French males and 40% of French females were classified as overweight or obese, compared to 70% of American males and 62% of American females. To what do researchers attribute these differences? It may well be how the two cultures differ in their perspectives on food. Because the French are less stressed about eating and see it a pleasurable experience compared to Americans, they tend to eat less and therefore weigh less.* We can apply this same thinking to sex.
Unfortunately, the media today suggest that more is better when it comes to sex and lead people to think that everybody is having lots of sex. This is similar to the way food is presented to Americans, who are encouraged to supersize everything. While Americans love getting a lot of food for a small price, the French relish a small amount of delicious food. When is the last time you called drive-through fare “delicious”?
Sane sex is all about foregoing physical intimacy until we’re in an exclusive, loving relationship. This kind of relationship isn’t common, so there may well be less sex happening initially. When it does come, though, it will be something to relish, much like the French experience of food.
* Source – Environmental Nutrition September 2009
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Displays of Affection are Like Appetizers
As I said last time, I don’t see affection as adolescent behavior. One of the problems with hurrying to have sex is that couples rush over or skip some wonderful preliminaries, such as kissing, fondling, and touching. How foolish this is! It’s like skipping the fabulous cocktail party in a dash to get to dinner. Only in the case of sex, we can enjoy both the appetizers and the entrée without worrying about excess calories!
The quality of experiences one can have both when dining and when engaging in sexual activity is quite broad. Settling for superficial sex rather than waiting for sane sex is like continually going through the drive-through when you could be having a five-course dinner. Because sex is such a primary need, one may be tempted to settle for what comes easily and quickly.
Thankfully, however, an alternative is available. Consider that sexual expression and enjoyment are not an all or nothing process but rather encompass a range of possibilities. Have you seen the scene in The Age of Innocence, with Michelle Pfeiffer and Daniel Day Lewis in the carriage, where he does nothing more than remove her glove? It is an incredibly sensual scene, garnering Martin Scorsese acclaim for his eroticism.
Or how about using the Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian text written in the fourth century by Vatsyayana, as a guide? The Kama Sutra is still well known and used today by many couples and sex therapists (Western and Buddhists alike). The book includes kissing, embracing, bathing, massage, and foreplay, as well as what it is best known for: various positions for sexual intercourse. It explores this full array of sexual expression because all these expressions are considered a part of the gratifying experience, just as fine dining incorporates several courses of food.
I heartily endorse giving up the drive-through habit, when it comes to both food and sex. Let’s take the time to enjoy every sensual experience life has to offer us!
The quality of experiences one can have both when dining and when engaging in sexual activity is quite broad. Settling for superficial sex rather than waiting for sane sex is like continually going through the drive-through when you could be having a five-course dinner. Because sex is such a primary need, one may be tempted to settle for what comes easily and quickly.
Thankfully, however, an alternative is available. Consider that sexual expression and enjoyment are not an all or nothing process but rather encompass a range of possibilities. Have you seen the scene in The Age of Innocence, with Michelle Pfeiffer and Daniel Day Lewis in the carriage, where he does nothing more than remove her glove? It is an incredibly sensual scene, garnering Martin Scorsese acclaim for his eroticism.
Or how about using the Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian text written in the fourth century by Vatsyayana, as a guide? The Kama Sutra is still well known and used today by many couples and sex therapists (Western and Buddhists alike). The book includes kissing, embracing, bathing, massage, and foreplay, as well as what it is best known for: various positions for sexual intercourse. It explores this full array of sexual expression because all these expressions are considered a part of the gratifying experience, just as fine dining incorporates several courses of food.
I heartily endorse giving up the drive-through habit, when it comes to both food and sex. Let’s take the time to enjoy every sensual experience life has to offer us!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Is Affection Adolescent Behavior?
A couple of weeks ago, my husband, Roger, and I attended a networking event and met some new people. We had the pleasure of telling our story to them. While it didn’t take long for Roger and me both to know we were meant to be together, we did have our ups and downs. One of the ups was a simple kiss, an experience I will always cherish. Let me tell you about it.
For reasons I won’t go into here, I had tried to break it off with Roger. He wouldn’t hear of it, though. He called me the next day to ask me to go with him to see Wayne Brady. To this day, I give Wayne Brady much of the credit for Roger and me being together; I am a big fan and would not pass up the opportunity to see him.
Although Roger said we’d go as friends, that isn’t the way it went. I drove myself to Roger’s house, and he then drove us to the restaurant for dinner before the show. All the way there, he gave me his pitch, telling me how good we would be together. I listened carefully and heard the truth in what he said. Roger was very open with me, and we spoke candidly about our age difference, career plans, and future intentions.
During the show, Roger sat very close to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. As it always had, it felt good to be so close to him. Afterward we went back to his house where I’d left my car. We ended up standing in his kitchen where we had one of our most memorable moments. As we lingered there looking into each other’s eyes, Roger took me in his arms and kissed me very slowly and intentionally. I felt that kiss all the way down to my toes.
I will never forget that kiss. Do I think kissing and other acts of affection are adolescent? Not at all. It’s unlikely we ever would have experienced a kiss so meaningful if we had done what so many people do and rushed into sex too quickly.
For reasons I won’t go into here, I had tried to break it off with Roger. He wouldn’t hear of it, though. He called me the next day to ask me to go with him to see Wayne Brady. To this day, I give Wayne Brady much of the credit for Roger and me being together; I am a big fan and would not pass up the opportunity to see him.
Although Roger said we’d go as friends, that isn’t the way it went. I drove myself to Roger’s house, and he then drove us to the restaurant for dinner before the show. All the way there, he gave me his pitch, telling me how good we would be together. I listened carefully and heard the truth in what he said. Roger was very open with me, and we spoke candidly about our age difference, career plans, and future intentions.
During the show, Roger sat very close to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. As it always had, it felt good to be so close to him. Afterward we went back to his house where I’d left my car. We ended up standing in his kitchen where we had one of our most memorable moments. As we lingered there looking into each other’s eyes, Roger took me in his arms and kissed me very slowly and intentionally. I felt that kiss all the way down to my toes.
I will never forget that kiss. Do I think kissing and other acts of affection are adolescent? Not at all. It’s unlikely we ever would have experienced a kiss so meaningful if we had done what so many people do and rushed into sex too quickly.
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