If given the choice, would you rather be a diamond or a paper clip? This is what I like to ask people when they tell me all the reasons why superficial sex works for them. It’s not a trick question, and once people realize this, they’d rather be the diamond, of course. So would I!
However, with superficial sex, we behave as if we’re paper clips - ordinary, commonplace, everyday items. When we sleep with virtually everyone we go out with, for whatever the reason, we’ve made being intimate with us a common, routine experience. Just as we wouldn’t get excited to find a paperclip on the floor because they’re so common and inexpensive, when we don’t act like the treasure we are, people won’t see us as one either.
A diamond is unique, rare, beautiful and of high value – sounds like a human being, doesn’t it? There’s a diaper commercial being aired lately that describes every baby as a miracle. I was struck today that nothing really changes (or should) as we age. Each person is a miracle, including you! The adjectives I apply to a diamond are relevant to you throughout life, so claim that for yourself. You are a diamond, a treasure!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
The Wait Isn’t Easy, But Consider the Alternative
This morning as I was getting ready for my day, I overheard a sitcom that my daughter was watching on television. The female lead was lamenting over the decision she’d made to sleep with a virtual stranger just so she could finally have sex. It had been three years since she’d been with a man. She discovered he wasn’t quite what she thought he was, and now she had to make sure he didn’t expect anything more from her.
Her distress was not just about the position she’d put herself in; it was also that she’d been so intimate with someone she considered a loser. While I hate to see superficial sex portrayed on television, at least it wasn’t glamorized. In fact, this outcome is very much the norm when we aren’t committed to having sane sex.
Although the show as a comedy made light of the leading lady’s feelings, let’s acknowledge that it is difficult to go so long without the warmth and intimacy that meaningful sex offers. I devoted an entire chapter in my book to this subject. I remember being in this character’s position when I was dating and the many times I reached out to my friends for support. I found that as I got clearer about what I brought to a relationship, I started to attract men who were more suitable as partners. While we weren’t having sex, my dating experience was much more enjoyable than it had been. I also found that physical contact is not all or nothing. There are many forms of physical closeness and sexual expression besides having sex.
I encourage you to hang in there if you find yourself tiring of the wait. “No sex” may be tough, but bad sex is worse.
Her distress was not just about the position she’d put herself in; it was also that she’d been so intimate with someone she considered a loser. While I hate to see superficial sex portrayed on television, at least it wasn’t glamorized. In fact, this outcome is very much the norm when we aren’t committed to having sane sex.
Although the show as a comedy made light of the leading lady’s feelings, let’s acknowledge that it is difficult to go so long without the warmth and intimacy that meaningful sex offers. I devoted an entire chapter in my book to this subject. I remember being in this character’s position when I was dating and the many times I reached out to my friends for support. I found that as I got clearer about what I brought to a relationship, I started to attract men who were more suitable as partners. While we weren’t having sex, my dating experience was much more enjoyable than it had been. I also found that physical contact is not all or nothing. There are many forms of physical closeness and sexual expression besides having sex.
I encourage you to hang in there if you find yourself tiring of the wait. “No sex” may be tough, but bad sex is worse.
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