The Wait Isn’t Easy, But Consider the Alternative

This morning as I was getting ready for my day, I overheard a sitcom that my daughter was watching on television. The female lead was lamenting over the decision she’d made to sleep with a virtual stranger just so she could finally have sex. It had been three years since she’d been with a man. She discovered he wasn’t quite what she thought he was, and now she had to make sure he didn’t expect anything more from her.

Her distress was not just about the position she’d put herself in; it was also that she’d been so intimate with someone she considered a loser. While I hate to see superficial sex portrayed on television, at least it wasn’t glamorized. In fact, this outcome is very much the norm when we aren’t committed to having sane sex.

Although the show as a comedy made light of the leading lady’s feelings, let’s acknowledge that it is difficult to go so long without the warmth and intimacy that meaningful sex offers. I devoted an entire chapter in my book to this subject. I remember being in this character’s position when I was dating and the many times I reached out to my friends for support. I found that as I got clearer about what I brought to a relationship, I started to attract men who were more suitable as partners. While we weren’t having sex, my dating experience was much more enjoyable than it had been. I also found that physical contact is not all or nothing. There are many forms of physical closeness and sexual expression besides having sex.

I encourage you to hang in there if you find yourself tiring of the wait. “No sex” may be tough, but bad sex is worse.