We conclude the year with the end of our series on Selling Yourself as a Single – making the close. Good salespeople will tell you that making the sale is often dependent on the strength of the close. The critical points to remember are to be clear, be sincere, and be persistent.
It’s important to be clear about what you’re asking for. Singles often lack confidence and stumble around, afraid to be direct with their invitation. Remember the episode on Fraser where he never made it clear he wanted to share a room with the woman he invited to the cabin for the weekend? It made for great humor, but poor salesmanship!
Sometimes singles don’t know how to handle situations and end up lacking sincerity. Don’t say you’ll call when you won’t. If you make a date, keep it! Bear in mind that while you may not be right for her, you might be perfect for her best friend.
Finally, be persistent (but appropriate). My first boyfriend asked me out three times before I said yes. More recently, if you’ve read my book you may recall that Roger called me the next day after I tried to break it off with him and offered to take me to see Wayne Brady. Being a huge Brady fan, I agreed and that date was the pivot one in our relationship. One note of caution, however: you need to pay attention for when to let it go. Roger had asked me if he could still call me, keeping the door open. As I mentioned last time, identifying the objections will help you know if persistence is called for or if you really should move on.
Single people are salespeople – we all are. Identify someone you know who sells well and do what they do to get that next relationship started.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Learning from Others
Being the third of four children, I realized early on that I could learn a lot by watching my older brothers. Paying attention and learning from others is a great way to accelerate our progress. Single people can benefit from the same practice. When you meet someone in a great relationship, why not ask them how it happened and how they keep it going? If you ever meet my friend, Jay, I encourage you to talk with him, as he is a great example of using all the sales techniques I’ve been describing.
Several years ago, after Jay got divorced, he was drawn to a woman in his apartment complex. She was reserved and quiet, so it took some time for him to get introduced to her. Gradually he started conversing with her at the mailbox, learning more about her, and eventually he asked her out. She turned him down, but he persisted, as effective salespeople do. Finally she told him she would never go out with him. He asked her why (he wanted to determine her objections, another excellent sales technique). She told him: you’re too old, too short, and too white!
Think about these objections; they were things he could not change – his age, his height, and his skin color. But because he had gotten to know her, he knew that these were not the things that mattered the most to her. What she really wanted was someone she could trust and depend upon, someone who would be faithful to her. He continued to talk with her, demonstrating that he possessed these qualities. Ultimately she did go out with him.
This week we received their Christmas card proclaiming this as their seventh Christmas together!
Several years ago, after Jay got divorced, he was drawn to a woman in his apartment complex. She was reserved and quiet, so it took some time for him to get introduced to her. Gradually he started conversing with her at the mailbox, learning more about her, and eventually he asked her out. She turned him down, but he persisted, as effective salespeople do. Finally she told him she would never go out with him. He asked her why (he wanted to determine her objections, another excellent sales technique). She told him: you’re too old, too short, and too white!
Think about these objections; they were things he could not change – his age, his height, and his skin color. But because he had gotten to know her, he knew that these were not the things that mattered the most to her. What she really wanted was someone she could trust and depend upon, someone who would be faithful to her. He continued to talk with her, demonstrating that he possessed these qualities. Ultimately she did go out with him.
This week we received their Christmas card proclaiming this as their seventh Christmas together!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Overcoming Objections
My husband Roger is a terrific role model for using the sales techniques I’ve been writing about. When we started dating, he knew himself and what was most important to him. He took the time to listen to me and learn what my priorities were. Roger met my daughters and father and never balked at the occasions when I was called to give them my time and attention. He noted that I liked Wayne Brady and went out of his way to get us tickets to a supposedly sold-out show, which ended up being a turning point in our relationship.
He was really good at overcoming objections, another critical sales technique. On that pivot Wayne Brady date, Roger gave me his sales pitch, telling me we’d be good together and that life was easier with a partner. He knew that maintaining a home on my own was challenging. He said that although he would retire before I would, he could then help me with my business. Knowing wellness is my passion and that I was concerned about our age difference, he stated that he was in excellent health, got a physical every year, and worked out three times a week. Roger had discovered we had a lot in common, and he persisted with me until I could see it, too.
We can’t overcome objections until we know what they are. Rarely do people tell us early on and specifically what they object to, often because they’re not entirely certain themselves! This is all part of creating emotional intimacy and a lasting relationship, and it takes time and some effort. Next time I’ll tell you about a man who was willing to pay the price and was rewarded for it.
He was really good at overcoming objections, another critical sales technique. On that pivot Wayne Brady date, Roger gave me his sales pitch, telling me we’d be good together and that life was easier with a partner. He knew that maintaining a home on my own was challenging. He said that although he would retire before I would, he could then help me with my business. Knowing wellness is my passion and that I was concerned about our age difference, he stated that he was in excellent health, got a physical every year, and worked out three times a week. Roger had discovered we had a lot in common, and he persisted with me until I could see it, too.
We can’t overcome objections until we know what they are. Rarely do people tell us early on and specifically what they object to, often because they’re not entirely certain themselves! This is all part of creating emotional intimacy and a lasting relationship, and it takes time and some effort. Next time I’ll tell you about a man who was willing to pay the price and was rewarded for it.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Singles, Why Not Express Rather Than Impress?
One thing most, if not all, singles have experienced is rejection. We’ve been looking at single people as salespeople, because using selling techniques effectively helps us get to “yes” and avoid the painful experience of being rejected. One area where I’ve seen many singles fall short is in recognizing their strengths, what they have to offer to another.
Too often singles get caught up in trying to impress, like our bowler from last time, rather than focusing on the need to express their authentic selves. Each of us has gifts, strengths, talents, passions – things that will naturally draw others to us when they’re made aware of them. Recognizing these (remember that “How Well Do You Know Yourself” piece from a couple of months ago?) and simply expressing them is all it takes. The striving and conniving to look good or worse, outshine the one we’d like to impress, is likely to backfire on us. It’s also a lot of work! You’ll find it works so much better when you feel good about yourself because of who you are, not because you see yourself as superior to another. Capable, confident people are much more attractive than competitive showmen (or women).
What makes this even more powerful is when you’ve discovered what the other person is looking for, because then you can emphasize your most relevant strengths. Good salespeople do this all the time. They listen carefully to find out what the prospect needs and then focus on the features of the product that fill the need. Singles can do the same thing, provided they’re being honest and true to themselves, of course. And if the fit isn’t there, it’s likely to be obvious to both of you, making it easier to more on with grace and ease.
You are an amazing person! Know and express it!
Too often singles get caught up in trying to impress, like our bowler from last time, rather than focusing on the need to express their authentic selves. Each of us has gifts, strengths, talents, passions – things that will naturally draw others to us when they’re made aware of them. Recognizing these (remember that “How Well Do You Know Yourself” piece from a couple of months ago?) and simply expressing them is all it takes. The striving and conniving to look good or worse, outshine the one we’d like to impress, is likely to backfire on us. It’s also a lot of work! You’ll find it works so much better when you feel good about yourself because of who you are, not because you see yourself as superior to another. Capable, confident people are much more attractive than competitive showmen (or women).
What makes this even more powerful is when you’ve discovered what the other person is looking for, because then you can emphasize your most relevant strengths. Good salespeople do this all the time. They listen carefully to find out what the prospect needs and then focus on the features of the product that fill the need. Singles can do the same thing, provided they’re being honest and true to themselves, of course. And if the fit isn’t there, it’s likely to be obvious to both of you, making it easier to more on with grace and ease.
You are an amazing person! Know and express it!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Appearance, Reputation, and Competence Build Confidence
For singles to have the kind of dating experience they’d like, they need to learn to sell themselves successfully. Last time we looked at the first step: learning the other person’s needs by listening and paying attention. From there, singles need to gain the other party’s confidence. The first factor to consider here is appearance. Don’t underestimate the importance of a good haircut (for men and women) and clothes that fit. When in doubt, overdress for the occasion. Gentlemen, this goes for you, too. If she’s in a dress and heals, jeans are not appropriate attire.
Be careful to protect your reputation in the singles community, as it may surprise you how fast word travels, especially now with social media. Even in Phoenix, the sixth largest city in the country, I run into the same people in my business networking circles, just as I did with singles when I was dating.
A great way to build a good reputation for yourself is to project competence. My husband, Roger, understood this well. He was consistent and reliable: he kept his promises and treated my father, my daughters, and me like gold. One of my favorite memories from our dating days was our first Valentine’s Day together, when he drove out to the venue the day before to make sure we’d have a flawless experience – and we did!
Unfortunately, not all my dates had as much sense. I recall a charity bowling event for singles which was set up like a speed date, where the women stayed on the same alley while the men rotated after each game. One man was unnerved by the scores of the women on my lane and refused to rotate to our alley. Eventually he was forced to, and I’ll never forget the sight of him with his back to the pins as he bent forward and heaved the ball between his legs, choosing to throw the game rather than “lose.” Apparently he had no idea what his strengths were and assumed we actually cared how he bowled! This sad display demonstrated anything but competence and prevented him from even attempting the third step in the selling process, sell a solution. More on that next week.
Be careful to protect your reputation in the singles community, as it may surprise you how fast word travels, especially now with social media. Even in Phoenix, the sixth largest city in the country, I run into the same people in my business networking circles, just as I did with singles when I was dating.
A great way to build a good reputation for yourself is to project competence. My husband, Roger, understood this well. He was consistent and reliable: he kept his promises and treated my father, my daughters, and me like gold. One of my favorite memories from our dating days was our first Valentine’s Day together, when he drove out to the venue the day before to make sure we’d have a flawless experience – and we did!
Unfortunately, not all my dates had as much sense. I recall a charity bowling event for singles which was set up like a speed date, where the women stayed on the same alley while the men rotated after each game. One man was unnerved by the scores of the women on my lane and refused to rotate to our alley. Eventually he was forced to, and I’ll never forget the sight of him with his back to the pins as he bent forward and heaved the ball between his legs, choosing to throw the game rather than “lose.” Apparently he had no idea what his strengths were and assumed we actually cared how he bowled! This sad display demonstrated anything but competence and prevented him from even attempting the third step in the selling process, sell a solution. More on that next week.
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