Getting Started at a Singles Event

Singles events, such as mixers, movie screenings, hikes, lunches, and parties, are a great, low risk way to meet other singles interested in dating. There are lots of people of around, most people don’t know each other, and you can always use the excuse that you want to mingle to break away from someone you’ve spent enough time with.

When you’re just getting started, you may want to go to singles events with a friend or two. This usually works out fine, as long as you remember that you’re going there to meet new people, not to hang around with the person you came with. If you go with other people, make an arrangement to separate. Sit at different tables or mingle individually as you work the room. (Susan RoAne’s How to Work a Room, Revised Edition: Your Essential Guide to Savvy Socializing is a great tool for gaining the skills to comfortably mingle in groups where you don’t know anyone.)

Once you have been to a few events, you’ll find that going alone can be quite fun. Being by yourself forces you to interact with others, and it invites others to approach you. It also enables you to stay as long as you’d like or to go elsewhere (not to his or her home!) with someone you’ve met when the event ends. My husband, Roger and I met at a singles dance which tended to end early. Because we’d each come to the dance alone, it was easy for us afterward to go to a country bar where we danced and talked for another couple of hours.

At a singles event, avoid sitting at a large table with five or more people, particularly at a dance. No one wants to be turned down in front of a crowd of people, so make it easy for people to approach you. It’s often successful to begin by seeking one or two people of the same gender to stand or sit with. Rather than getting involved in a deep conversation, keep it to small talk – and be positive. No one will be drawn to a negative conversation. Sit or stand so you can observe the room and others can see you. Be interested in your surroundings, and make it possible for people to come up to you and break into your conversation. If you someone alone who looks approachable (or needs someone to talk to), this is your opportunity to approach him or her.

Finally, a great ice-breaker I’ve found for conversation is the event itself and the sponsoring organization. Asking the other person if he’s attended other events the group has put on and what they were like can lead to information on how long he’s been dating, how much dating he does, and so forth. People love to be asked for their opinion, so this is usually a comfortable way to get the conversation started.