More About My First Date in 20 Years

As I said last time, my first date in 20 years was not followed by a second date – at least not with Jim. He was a nice guy and certainly was safe to be with, but he was not someone I was interested in getting to know better. There were several signs that I picked up, some sooner than others.

You may have been told that when you’re dating you do not want to appear desperate. Having experienced this first hand, I whole-heartedly agree. Jim’s behavior was too eager, too “I can’t believe she’s going out with me” for me to feel good about being with him. That kind of over-enthusiasm wasn’t flattering to me; it suggested that there must be something wrong with him if it was so amazing that I would be with him. This over-eagerness led to Jim’s confusion over my address and the spill on his shirt, no doubt, among other faux pas too numerous to detail here. When you combine this with his walking disability, his diabetes so serious it required multiple insulin injections per day, and his child-like food preferences, we’ve now transitioned from him as a potential partner to a project.

I hesitated to tell you about his disabilities, because I don’t want you to think they were the issue, nor did I want to sound defensive in assuring you they were not the issue. I have dated men with physical disabilities and mental disorders before. What I have learned is that it is not the condition the person has, but how he approaches it that makes the difference. Jim’s conditions were long term; his limp was ten years old and his diabetes was a lifelong illness. But unlike many who learn to rise above such circumstances and go on to succeed and possibly inspire others, Jim used his to seek sympathy. If you’ve read the Celestine Prophesy, Jim was a classic “poor me.” I should have caught this in our first conversation and avoided this painful experience, but I didn’t. I’ll summarize my lessons from this date next time.