On June 22, 2010, the USA Today reported that young adults today are delaying marriage much longer than their parents and grandparents did. While Lyndon Johnson and Lady Bird met in August of 1934 and married that same November, Prince William and Kate Middleton have been a couple for nine years and their engagement is still just speculation. This delay has resulted in an older age for first time marriages: men are now an average of 28 years old and women almost 26. It was five years younger for their grandparents’ generation.
It goes beyond marriage, though. According to psychotherapist Shannon Fox, “This is the generation that won’t commit to going to a party on Saturday because something better might come along – someone better might come along.” I concur with that statement, and I would say it extends beyond young adults. When I was dating just a few years ago, I quickly learned not to ask a man about plans for Saturday on Tuesday – and even Wednesday was chancing it. It seems to be a characteristic of single people, not just young adults.
What is this about, this need to stay open and uncommitted? What opportunity might appear after committing to an event that couldn’t be experienced another day? I wonder if those who resist committing realize what they miss out on when they let invitations pass them by. I remember men who resisted taking our relationship to an exclusive level so they could be free to sleep with other women who came along, only to find no one did and they were alone.
If you’re experiencing what I did, take heart! I did eventually find men who were interested in an exclusive relationship with me. In fact, I had two men I’d dated previously and broke it off with call me after I’d been with Roger a few months. They were checking to see if I was still in a relationship. Whatever you do, please don’t compromise your standards, thinking that’s the way it’s done today. It doesn’t have to be. It’s your life; you call the shots.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
An STD You May Not Know About, But Should
Have you heard of trichomoniasis? I hadn’t, yet it’s one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases around, infecting an estimated 7 million people in the U.S. every year. Sexually active women are the most commonly affected. The cause is a protozoan (back to science class!), which infects the vagina and possibly the urethra. As with other STDs, it is spread during unprotected sex.
The problem with this disease is that the vast majority of infected men have no symptoms, although some do experience burning during urination. Only about half of the women infected have symptoms, which include vaginal itching, irritation, smelly yellowish/greenish vaginal discharge, and pain and itching during intercourse and urination. Sounds like a typical yeast infection, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, untreated trichomoniasis can reduce fertility, cause complications during pregnancy, and increase the risk of contracting HIV if exposed (UC Berkeley Wellness Letter, December 2009).
Thankfully this disease can be cured – with a one dose treatment. If you have these symptoms or think you have yeast infection, but it doesn’t clear up, see your doctor. Better still, avoid it all together and always have safe sex. Of course, I’d like to see you having sane sex. It takes it one step further, protecting you emotionally, as well as physically. Be safe and sane, every time.
The problem with this disease is that the vast majority of infected men have no symptoms, although some do experience burning during urination. Only about half of the women infected have symptoms, which include vaginal itching, irritation, smelly yellowish/greenish vaginal discharge, and pain and itching during intercourse and urination. Sounds like a typical yeast infection, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, untreated trichomoniasis can reduce fertility, cause complications during pregnancy, and increase the risk of contracting HIV if exposed (UC Berkeley Wellness Letter, December 2009).
Thankfully this disease can be cured – with a one dose treatment. If you have these symptoms or think you have yeast infection, but it doesn’t clear up, see your doctor. Better still, avoid it all together and always have safe sex. Of course, I’d like to see you having sane sex. It takes it one step further, protecting you emotionally, as well as physically. Be safe and sane, every time.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Learn How to Work the Room
When I was single, one of my favorite ways to meet men was at singles events. There are numerous organizations that hold such functions including singles groups, speed dating companies, arts societies, sea and ski clubs, and other outdoor activity associations. It’s also possible to meet single men and women at business networking events, church functions, senior outings, alumni mixers, industry meetings – at virtually any event where groups of people come together.
To make the most of these opportunities, it’s really important that you feel comfortable working the room. Don’t worry if you don’t right now. This is an easily acquired skill, once you know the basics. Here are a few techniques, many of which come from Susan RoAne’s original book, How to Work a Room
, which I read years ago. I still use these methods all the time.
• Before you go, have some light topics ready for conversation. For instance, when I was dating, many men were reading The Da Vinci Code. You can read the newspaper or check online news sites. Ladies, be familiar with how the local sports teams are performing. You could talk about shows or celebrities that are performing in town or the latest movie you saw.
• Think about an amusing incident that happened recently. Perhaps you saw a funny commercial or advertisement. It does not have to be hysterical, but do be sure it’s in good taste.
• Avoid negative stories or depressing observations. You want to draw people to you, so be positive and upbeat.
• Go to the event alone or break apart from whoever you came with. Individuals are much easier to approach and you’ll find it easier to break into a group by yourself.
• Look for someone who is alone and approach that person. Think warm, complimentary thoughts as you approach. A smile and simple, “Hi, my name is…” will get you started. Paying a sincere compliment often works well.
• Be interested in that person. Do not look around for someone else to talk with next or for who just arrived.
• If your goal is to meet many people, limit your time with any one person. Be sensitive of the other person’s desire to move on, too. To break away from a conversation, at a pause simply smile and say, “Excuse me” and walk away. You can add that you’d like to mingle, since the event is a mixer, if that would make you more comfortable.
• To approach a group, stand nearby and attempt to make eye contact with someone in the group. Be careful approaching a couple, as they may be having a private conversation. You do not want to appear to be eavesdropping and you don’t want to embarrass yourself or them.
• Throughout the event focus on what there is to like about the people there. Remind yourself that you are worth talking to, as well. This will build your confidence and make others more comfortable around you.
Most importantly, get out there. The only way to get better at anything is to do it.
To make the most of these opportunities, it’s really important that you feel comfortable working the room. Don’t worry if you don’t right now. This is an easily acquired skill, once you know the basics. Here are a few techniques, many of which come from Susan RoAne’s original book, How to Work a Room
, which I read years ago. I still use these methods all the time.• Before you go, have some light topics ready for conversation. For instance, when I was dating, many men were reading The Da Vinci Code. You can read the newspaper or check online news sites. Ladies, be familiar with how the local sports teams are performing. You could talk about shows or celebrities that are performing in town or the latest movie you saw.
• Think about an amusing incident that happened recently. Perhaps you saw a funny commercial or advertisement. It does not have to be hysterical, but do be sure it’s in good taste.
• Avoid negative stories or depressing observations. You want to draw people to you, so be positive and upbeat.
• Go to the event alone or break apart from whoever you came with. Individuals are much easier to approach and you’ll find it easier to break into a group by yourself.
• Look for someone who is alone and approach that person. Think warm, complimentary thoughts as you approach. A smile and simple, “Hi, my name is…” will get you started. Paying a sincere compliment often works well.
• Be interested in that person. Do not look around for someone else to talk with next or for who just arrived.
• If your goal is to meet many people, limit your time with any one person. Be sensitive of the other person’s desire to move on, too. To break away from a conversation, at a pause simply smile and say, “Excuse me” and walk away. You can add that you’d like to mingle, since the event is a mixer, if that would make you more comfortable.
• To approach a group, stand nearby and attempt to make eye contact with someone in the group. Be careful approaching a couple, as they may be having a private conversation. You do not want to appear to be eavesdropping and you don’t want to embarrass yourself or them.
• Throughout the event focus on what there is to like about the people there. Remind yourself that you are worth talking to, as well. This will build your confidence and make others more comfortable around you.
Most importantly, get out there. The only way to get better at anything is to do it.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Are You a Veteran Internet Dater?
More and more people are, according to sociologist Michael Rosenfeld’s research of 3,000 American couples. While introductions from friends remain the greatest source of matches, Internet sites have surpassed family referrals, the workplace, school, church and the corner bar as the way people find dating partners. Three types of couples most likely to have met their mate online are gay men, lesbians, and straight folks aged 35-44 (AZ Republic, February 14, 2010).
I expect these numbers will grow as more people become comfortable with social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. The Internet is especially helpful when you’re looking for someone specific, such as a person who loves skydiving and Indian food and speaks French.
I tried a number of Internet dating sites when I was in my late forties and looking. While I think it’s worth trying, I didn’t have much success dating people I met online. (Of course not one friend fixed me up with anyone, so my experience really did not fit the norm!) Many of the men I encountered were not interested in a committed relationship and most wanted to date younger women. Before I met Roger I did date a few men who were my age, but I met all of them at singles events.
Still, I know of several successful relationships that began online, and you may have a different experience than I had. A great resource for online dating, especially for women just getting back to the dating scene, is Finding The Right Man For You: Dating Advice for Women
by Lawrence J. Danks. Danks met his wife through online dating, so he knows how to do it right.
No matter what approach you take, if you want to meet someone, you need to stay in the game. The biggest mistake I see people make is leaving too early or giving up too soon. A good friend used to remind me that it’s a numbers game, and I think she’s right. Get out there and have some fun – and be sane!
I expect these numbers will grow as more people become comfortable with social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. The Internet is especially helpful when you’re looking for someone specific, such as a person who loves skydiving and Indian food and speaks French.
I tried a number of Internet dating sites when I was in my late forties and looking. While I think it’s worth trying, I didn’t have much success dating people I met online. (Of course not one friend fixed me up with anyone, so my experience really did not fit the norm!) Many of the men I encountered were not interested in a committed relationship and most wanted to date younger women. Before I met Roger I did date a few men who were my age, but I met all of them at singles events.
Still, I know of several successful relationships that began online, and you may have a different experience than I had. A great resource for online dating, especially for women just getting back to the dating scene, is Finding The Right Man For You: Dating Advice for Women
by Lawrence J. Danks. Danks met his wife through online dating, so he knows how to do it right.No matter what approach you take, if you want to meet someone, you need to stay in the game. The biggest mistake I see people make is leaving too early or giving up too soon. A good friend used to remind me that it’s a numbers game, and I think she’s right. Get out there and have some fun – and be sane!
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