Gentlemen, You Are Magnificent!

Gentlemen, you are magnificent! My question for you is “when are you going to know it?” I’ve been around men all my life. I have three brothers (no sisters), lots of male cousins, two stepsons, and several close male friends. I’ve also worked in male dominated industries, so I know men are magnificent.

Sadly, I found when I was dating that many men didn’t know their truth. One man in particular, “Bill,” really stands out. We met at a singles event and I was quite smitten with him, to use an old fashioned word. He was attractive, had a good job and education, and described having strong relationships with his parents and two sons. He’d put himself through college, and although it took seven years, he had no debt when he graduated – quite an accomplishment. So while he had a lot to offer, he didn’t have it together.

My first clue came when I gave Bill my card so he could call me, and he noticed MBA after my name. I saw his confidence level drop as he commented on it. He still called me and we did go out – once. Turns out he’d been dating for three years and in all that time never saw anyone more than once. The date was like an interview, which wouldn’t have bothered me (being an HR person), except that he was comparing himself to me the entire time. Bill quizzed me on fitness level and athletic ability, job title, and skills, such as public speaking. While I liked everything he said about himself, by the end of the date he seemed dejected and walked several paces ahead of me as we went to his car. When we got to my house, he never turned off the motor or took off his seat belt, sending a clear message that there would be no second date.

It took a couple of days for me to figure out what had happened. Bill was caught in a vicious cycle of looking for someone good enough to be proud to be with, but not so good that she outshone him. You see we’re like moths and are drawn to the light. So, many men are attracted to bright, confident women. They want to get closer and as they do, her light seems to be too bright. They’re afraid they won’t measure up, so they back off. They have no idea that they can increase the intensity of their own lights, rather than search endlessly for someone whose light is just bright enough, as Bill has done. More on that next time…