Hey Guys, If You Want to Sleep With Her, Don't Compete With Her

If you’re reading this blog, you know that I advocate sane sex which puts emotional intimacy ahead of physical intimacy. To become emotionally intimate with someone, we first have to know ourselves. And if we want to have a balanced, healthy relationship, we need to like what we find.

So often I’ve found men looking outside themselves for validation. It seems many men only feel good about themselves if they see themselves as superior to those around them, including the person they’d like to be intimate with. They engage in making comparisons of themselves to their potential partner, evaluating every area that’s important to them – and the list is long! I’ve seen it include income; job title; education; athletic abilities of every kind, such as running, throwing, lifting, aerobic endurance, strength, and yes, bowling; public speaking; writing; reading; and of course, driving. When they perceive that they’re measuring up in these areas, they feel good; when they don’t, they reject the other person.

I’ve seen many women wonder what they’ve done wrong, and I’ve fallen prey to that mistaken thinking, too. For years women have been cautioned not to win or appear too smart, because men’s frail egos couldn’t take it. The well-intentioned advice was to dim our lights, so their lights would appear brighter. The truth is that when women do that, they’re being dishonest and untrue to themselves. This can’t possibly lead to strong, healthy relationships.

What men and women need to understand is that their lights come from within. We all have the same source, being made in the image and likeness of the same Creator. To shine brighter, don’t worry about finder dimmer lights to be around. That’s living an illusion, having a self image based on smoke and mirrors. Instead, get to know yourself as a reflection and creation of the Divine. Ralph Waldo Trine wrote that as we open ourselves to God, we reveal our God-like powers. These powers are without limits, so the only limits we have are the ones we place on ourselves. Ron Fox expounds on this, saying that as we come to know ourselves, the more powerful we become.

So ladies, be your best and let your lights shine! Gentlemen, take the time and have the courage to know yourself better. Discover how magnificent you really are. Then you’ll be able to find true emotional intimacy with your partner. Remember, if you want to sleep with her, don’t compete with her!