Feeling Good From the Inside Out – Part Two

We looked last time at the risks of comparing ourselves to the people we go out with, hoping to outshine them in some way to feel good about ourselves. This practice is problematic on many levels. For one thing, people are incredibly gifted, so you’ll be hard pressed to find someone you can be superior to in every significant way. Even intelligence manifests in many forms. My mother was better with words than my father, but Dad’s skill at card playing exceeded hers. So it’s likely that you’ll fail with this approach, as did the man I told you about last time, looking three years in vain for a woman he could be better than.

We also risk looking foolish. I recall the bowl-a-thon that was a combination singles event and fund raiser. There were two women on each lane, and pairs of men would rotate through, changing lanes with each game while the women stayed in place. We were not considered “teams” as this was a singles event, not a competition.

I hadn’t bowled in years, so it took me a while to remember there were arrows painted on the lane to use as a guide. By the second game, I remembered this and also got lucky, scoring 167. Unfortunately, the scores were automatically tallied and projected overhead for all to view. I could see the two men from the next lane watching the board. When the game ended, they did not come rotate to our lane as planned. Eventually, the event coordinators made them move, and each one commented to me about my score. One in particular, George, made quite a point of it.

By the third frame of the game, the woman paired with me, Karen, and I had all marks (strikes or spares) and were ahead of the men. I watched George look at the score board and prepare to bowl his next frame. He randomly picked up a ball from the rack that happened to be Karen’s personal ball. (The rest of us were using alley balls. Bowling with someone’s personal ball is not done because it’s been specially drilled for that individual.) He approached the alley, turning his back to the pins. He heaved the ball between his legs and laughed out loud. The ball went in the gutter. Just then, Karen realized he had used her ball. She jumped up and retrieved it as it came up the ball return. Examining the ball, she found a chip and expressed her anger to me. Being about 20 years younger than George and I, she had no idea why he would behave in such a childish manner. I pointed out the disparity between our scores and the men’s and that by throwing away the frame, George had thrown the game, preventing him from losing to the women.

The fact that I recognized what was happening did not make it any easier for me. I came home and told my daughters I was swearing off men! In time I remembered that there are many wonderful, confident men in the world – and I only needed to meet one. Sadly George looked to external things, such as how he bowled compared to women, to feel good about himself. I hope he’s realized his truth by now and knows that it doesn’t really matter how he bowls.

Each of us is a person of worth, made in the image and likeness of God, pure perfection. We have no need to be better than anyone. If you want your light to shine brighter, focus on being your very best, the highest expression of the infinite that you can.