How Long Do I Have to Wait – Part Two

How long does it take to establish the emotional intimacy needed for sane sex? Once you know and are comfortable with yourself, it becomes a matter of finding an appropriate partner to be close to. This person needs to have the same self-knowledge that you’ve acquired, so the person that you get to know is the real thing.

Here’s where you really want to be aware and listen carefully. There are signs when someone is emotionally unavailable or unhealthy. Hopefully your self-exploration revealed any weakness or blind spots you’ve fallen prey to in the past, so you can avoid them now. This is important, because creating emotional intimacy requires trusting the other person and most, if not all of us, have had our trust broken at some time. While this trust building, getting to know you better process takes time, how much depends on who you meet and how much time you spend together. If you’re like me, you'll start down the road many times until you find the right one. We simply cannot force emotional intimacy to happen.

As I stated last time, it does not have to be a long wait. When Roger and I met, we’d both done our inner work. We spent time together that allowed us to talk and really get to know each other. Neither of us was into game playing, and we both wanted a long term, committed relationship. He still says that he knew from the day we met that we were meant to be together. It took me a little bit longer, about a month. Keep in mind that I’d been dating for a year and a half and had done lots of reflecting, praying, exploring, dating, learning, and finally letting go in that time.

If it’s been a long time since you’ve been in a loving relationship, the inclination to rush this process can be intense. I urge you to keep the end in mind, as Steven Covey recommends. It will be worth the time you invest!