Is Sane Sex Only For Long Term Relationships?

I get asked this question fairly often: what about people who aren’t seeking marriage or even a long term relationship? Do I think they should be concerned about sane sex? I think sane sex is appealing to all mature people who date. Relationships don’t have to be long to be sane.

Consider the characteristics of sane sex. First of all, it’s always safe, something we absolutely must have as a non-negotiable. Second, it protects us not just physically, but emotionally as well. Superficial sex is risky behavior. When we expose ourselves so intimately to someone we don’t know well enough to trust, it often leads to feelings of low self esteem and low value. We deserve to be honored and treasured in every sexual encounter we have, and that is much more likely with sane sex than with superficial sex. With superficial sex, it’s not unusual for these encounters to be one night stands. While you may not be looking for a long term relationship, were you really hoping for just one encounter?

Sane sex typically happens in the context of an exclusive, loving relationship. While this sounds like marriage to some people, it does not have to involve a “permanent” commitment or one that spans years. I have had short term (as in months), emotionally intimate relationships with several women friends over the years, and many people have had wonderful summer romances that meet the sane sex parameters.

Finally, I realize that there are people who truly do just want casual sexual encounters. They are not looking for relationships really, just easy, enjoyable sex. For this minority, sane sex will not be an attractive option. Most people grow out of this stage, though, just as college age people grow up and outgrow getting drunk. When they’re ready for it, the sane sex model will still be there as an effective choice for them.