Safety and Trust Encourages Emotional Intimacy

A definition of intimacy that I offered in Worth Waiting For: Sane Sex for Singles was “a close relationship rich in familiarity, understanding, and confidence formed in a quiet atmosphere where detailed knowledge and private utterances could be exchanged.” Given this definition, it makes sense that when you’d like to become emotionally intimate with someone, you need to know yourself well, recognize an appropriate partner, and then create an atmosphere of safety and trust. If you are to exchange “private utterances” with this person, it’s essential that you feel absolutely safe when sharing your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and emotions.

Picnics, quiet dinners, scenic boat/train rides, and other activities that allow you to talk comfortably are ideal for sharing meaningful conversation, expressing the need for support, and acknowledging concern for each other. Even car rides can be opportunities for dialogue, so keep the radio and DC player off. Movies, concerts, tours, and other similar forms of entertainment are comfortable introductory dates, but they’re not suited for the kind of communication needed to foster intimacy.

As you’re getting to know your partner better, you need to evaluate your own safety and comfort levels. Stay alert both to how your partner responds when make yourself vulnerable and to your own inner guidance. Be careful not to ignore or rationalize any feeling of discomfort you may be having about your own sense of safety and acceptance by the other person. Emotional intimacy with the right person will be comfortable, secure, and fulfilling.