What Makes You Feel Good About Yourself?

It’s natural for us to like to be around people who make us feel good about ourselves.  I remember a coworker of mine several years ago who made me feel like a million bucks every time I walked into his office.  What a high it was being around him!

Just what is it about the other person that makes us feel so good?  In the case of my coworker, it was the sincere interest he had in me and his ability to express how he valued who I was and what I brought to the job.  He was exceptional, though.  I find many people tend to compare themselves to others, hoping to see themselves as superior in some way, in an attempt to feel better about themselves.

I saw this tendency quite often in the men I dated.  Sometimes it would be subtle.   We’d be talking about our jobs and he’d react when I mentioned that my title was Director or that I owned my own business.  One man wanted to know what sports I played and how athletic I was.  I noticed that some men were intimidated learn that I drove a five-speed!  In extreme cases, it seemed that my date felt he had to better than I was at everything that mattered to him – and almost everything was important to him: any sports-related skill, my work, how much money I made, where I lived, how I drove, and what I drove.  If he felt I excelled in any of these areas over him, it was a deal-breaker.

It’s so dangerous to view ourselves in comparison to others.  These men were looking for someone who didn’t outshine them.  It’s a tricky business to approach self esteem that way.  Their partner’s light has to be bright enough to attract them in the first place.  Being with a “dull light” wouldn’t make them feel good.  But if her light is too bright, it could outshine them.  This is just an illusion though.  Their lights are their lights. They only appear brighter or dimmer in comparison to someone else’s.   This means that their self esteem not based in reality, and it varies based on who they’re with.  Learn to feel good about who you are because of who you are, not who you’re with.