Shifting the Focus - It's About You Not Them

When I began dating again in 2005, I was not seeing the kind of men I wanted to. Many were more like boys rather than men: they didn’t keep their word, wouldn’t commit to even a date, wanted easy sex, and sought someone to take care of them and be the grown-up in the relationship. Others felt the need to compete to with me, and when my light appeared brighter than theirs, they opted out.

I eventually learned that the problem wasn’t them; it was me. I had to be the kind of person I wanted to attract, and I had to make room for a man in my life. Once I took others’ advice to claim my beauty and began to see myself as someone a man would be fortunate to be with, I began to draw men who were closer to what I was looking for. Some would say that the quality of man I was attracting was higher, but I hate to frame it that way. We’re all intrinsically of equal value and doing the best we know how to do. Some of us just have a better sense of our own worth.

Single women, if you’re struggling as I was, I encourage you to see your dating experiences from this perspective. It’s pointless to lament that he’s not what you want. If you would know your own truth and value, men who hold the same mindset will be drawn to you – and everything will shift.