Is Sane Sex for Teenagers?

Sometimes when people hear about my book they comment that they’d like to give it to a teenager they know. I have mixed feelings about this. Certainly I want teens to know not just about safe sex, but about sane sex, which is more likely to protect them both physically and emotionally. I want them to understand that having sex is a big deal, not appropriate first date behavior or a recreational activity to alleviate boredom. But I have concerns about anyone engaging in behavior that could result in pregnancy when they are not prepared to raise a child. This clearly applies to high school students.

Elizabeth Rice Allgeier, a psychologist and retired professor from Bowling Green University, developed the following questions for teens to consider when contemplating having sex:

- Do you feel guiltless and comfortable about your level of involvement?
- Are you confident that you will not be humiliated and that your reputation will not be hurt?
- Is it true that neither you nor your partner is pressuring the other for sex?
- Will having sex be an expression of your current feelings for the other, rather than an attempt to improve a poor relationship or prove your love?
- Can you discuss and agree upon an effective method of contraception and share the details, responsibilities, and cost of using the method?
- Can you discuss the potential for contracting or transmitting sexually transmitted diseases?
- Have you discussed and agreed on what both of you will do if conception occurs?

I like this list for teens, and I think it has value for adults, too. I would add the following questions:

- Have you agreed to see each other exclusively? (Are you sure you want to have sex if you haven’t?)
- Do you love each other? (Are you really sure you want to have sex if you don’t?)

If you’ve read my book, these last two points shouldn’t be a surprise. Sex is sane when it’s safe and happens in the context of an exclusive, loving relationship – and that’s my wish for anyone who is sexually active.