Sane Sex and Spaghetti

In the movie Forrest Gump, Forrest’s mother said that life was like a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re going to get. While I love any reference to chocolate, I like to see life as a bowl of spaghetti, because, like each strand of pasta, everything touches everything else.

This is certainly true when it come to physical health, emotional health, and satisfying sex. Research repeatedly demonstrates the interconnections among the three and suggests that people who have strong, intimate relationships tend to have fewer chronic diseases and live longer. Dr. Julia Heiman, PhD, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University explains that a satisfying sex life can promote good health, which then can enhance physical health. Orgasms, or even loving touch, can cause the body to release chemicals that reduce pain, enhance immunity, or improve mood well after the initial pleasure has passed.

I occasionally hear statements endorsing a “friends with benefits” arrangement, where although the parties are not in an exclusive, loving relationship, they find the sex enjoyable. While these relationships don’t seem to harm either person, let’s understand that they’re limited. The benefits described above that come from strong, intimate connections are unlikely to result. The idea here is not to make anything right or wrong, but rather to be absolutely clear about what we want and what we’re likely to get given the choices we make.